How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
