She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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