there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
