a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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