my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
