i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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