When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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