Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's never too late to be topless.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Enjoy the penises
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
