need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
