I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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