He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
