I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
