Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
