bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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