You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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