Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
