And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
