I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
