brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
