My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
