I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
