Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
