i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
