My balls are so social today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
