an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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