I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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