I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She bit a glass in half.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
