Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
