Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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