dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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