I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
