There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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