you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
