Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
