i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
