honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
