Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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