just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
