either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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