I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
