I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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