I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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