Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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