i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
