You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
