I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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