real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
