Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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