so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize