Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
