Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The convent might be a nice break from real life
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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