I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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