i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
