I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
