Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
