When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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