I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
no you cant smoke seaweed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i've created a new STD.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
