Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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