alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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