After last night, I could never be a politician.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
