Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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