apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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