the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
